Monday, August 11, 2008

A day in the life of Criss Angel

I was making my daily rounds of a bunch illegal downloading sites, when I came across this jewel. Apparently, Criss Angel has a TV show (duh), and does some crazy magic stuff every episode (double duh). That aside, try to read this episode synopsis like you were reading this out of a newspaper.

Criss attempts to catch a razor sharp arrow in his bare hands after it is shot from a nail gun at 1400 feet per second. Then, while on a tour of a warehouse, Criss cuts through a fans arm with a jigsaw blade. At a park, Criss’ crew is late for a football game and so he makes 2 players appear from thin air and then makes a football levitate during a perfect pass.

That is just insane. Pretend that this is not an optical illusions performer, but rather an ordinary citizen. So this freaked out dude gets shot at by an arrow, and catches it in his hand. "Yeah, I'm awesome." Then he's walkin' in some squatter's warehouse, and hacks off a buddy's hand with an electrical reciprocating saw. "Uh, oops. Sorry bro." Oh no! He's late for a football game with his homies, they're 3rd and 10 and down by 7! With a pikachu-like swish of his hand, he makes some extra teammates materialize and floats the football serenely to the wide-receiver with his yoda-jedi mind powers. "WTF! I'm h4xing the server! N00b$!! HAHAHHAAHA!"

Man, it all sounds like Criss is the ultimate shorthand-for-Richard. If you don't know the shorthand for Richard, I guess you aren't going to the H-E-double-hockey sticks.

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