Monday, July 7, 2008

Burger King is Awesome

I was on an errand again, and just had to stop for a bacon cheeseburger. Bacon cheeseburgers are God's proof that he loves us and wants us to be obese Americans. I neither want to argue with God nor my stomach, so I will go where advertisements will me.

Burger King is obviously the King of Burgers, and I once had an actually awesome burger there once. One good out of seven total means I have good (okay) odds of having another good experience.

So, I whip in to the King's place, walk in cause I hate drive-throughs, and I say quote, "I just want a bacon cheeseburger." The manager mics in, "Bacon cheeseburger."

Everything was going smooth as a Janet Jackson concert, until this chick says, "We don't serve lunch right now." I actually responded with a almost inaudible, "Oh, God." I think that was the first time I swore in public with an audience. I looked at all of their egg sandwiches, and finally decided to get a "wrap". This is actually a breakfast burrito, but they hate using names that real people use, so I had to get a "wrap".

I almost threw a fit, almost tried to reason with their stupidity, to ask them if they had ever had a burger for breakfast, and was it not the most spectacular breakfast they had ever had? But then I couldn't do all of this, and possibly ruin their minimum-wage day, because I suddenly realized that the chick was HOT. Not plastic hot, but real, human being hot. Like, OMG, my brain just turned off. This was like "McDonalds Girl", only in Burger King.

She had short, boring, dark brown hair. She did not have a ridiculous plastic body. She was actually bored. And she was really cool. I would have gladly cut off my right arm and worked in the burger place as an amputee, if it weren't for the social pressures and the sudden cardiac arrest I found myself in. Granted, she was working right next to three women who were exploring expansive waist lines.

I had walked in for a bacon cheeseburger, and stumbled out grasping a burrito, and very confused. Burger King is Awesome!

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